Author: Fangyuan Liu
My older brother is a 30-year-old "middle-aged man." As far back as I can remember, my brother has always lived abroad and rarely comes home. He studied in the United States during high school and has worked there ever since. He has lived in the United States for a considerable amount of time. When I asked my brother about his enjoyable experiences living in the United States, he thought for a while. He concluded that his experiences there were nothing special—just mundane things. But eventually, he shared a story about socializing.
When my brother first came to the United States for high school, he was particularly eager to overcome language barriers and make friends with students from other countries. This way, he could improve his English while learning about local culture. With this mindset, my brother made many American and European friends. However, when he reached college and started working, he found that his social circle had shifted back to being predominantly Chinese. To be honest, this reminded me of my time at UWC. I also initially aimed to befriend students from other countries, but my social circle was still predominantly Chinese.
He felt confused. He recalled a sociology class from high school where the teacher mentioned that people from different countries are more likely to become friends with those of the same nationality. There is a theory that humans are visual creatures and instinctively tend to communicate with those who look more like themselves. However, this did not resolve his confusion.
It wasn't until my brother had a daughter, my niece, that things changed. Since she was born in the US, she holds American citizenship. As a science major, my brother's inquisitive nature kicked in again, and he began observing his daughter's social habits.
"Everyone is born with a personality and preferences, but their understanding of the world is like a blank slate. My niece started going to school before she was two years old, and in her eyes, there seemed to be no distinction between Chinese and Americans, or between yellow, black, and white skin." My brother said, "She doesn't ask me why some people have darker skin or why some people have blonde hair. Why does she speak Chinese while others speak English? She asked me what her American classmates' Chinese names were, and I told her they don't have Chinese names because they're not Chinese. She didn't understand and kept asking me about the concept of a country. In her understanding, they're all the same, with no differences. Their play doesn't require much language or expression. Many actions, imitations, and simple words like 'no,' 'stop, 'and 'yes' are enough for good communication."
So why do we prefer to communicate with people from our own country? My brother believes it's because we have topics to discuss.
Topics are often critical because similar upbringings and experiences mean that when people describe an event, they don't need to spend too much effort explaining the background. When one person expresses emotions, the other can quickly understand and connect. This connection is built on shared experiences. Such similarities decrease gradually with geographical distance. My brother mentioned feeling more connected with people from Japan and South Korea, followed by India, during his work. Chinese and Indians don't look alike, but culturally, especially in terms of education and family values, there are some similarities, which made my brother feel more comfortable collaborating with people from these countries at work.
However, my brother's daughter, a little girl under three years old, doesn't care about these things. Although my brother and his wife choose families with more culturally similar backgrounds for socializing, this isn't something a little girl would care about. She cares more about who she plays with and where she goes to play, and my brother's choices gradually become her experiences and shape her cultural identity.